How to Create a Conscious Relationship that Lasts
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It does not matter if these interpersonal relationships are platonic, familial, or romantic. Your interpersonal or self-relationship is the prism through which all of these other relationships are colored.
To have healthy, well-defined relationships, you have to start from within.
While the entire process of forming conscious relationships requires a lot of work and starts with you, if your partner is willing to cooperate, all of that work will reward you with uplifting, healthy bond that may last for life. In this article, we will focus on our romantic relationship (life-partner, husband, boyfriend, wife, etc).
Keep reading to discover how to create a conscious relationship.
What Is a Conscious Relationship?
A conscious relationship is exactly like what it sounds. These relationships are formed with an awareness of the intentions, boundaries, and purposes that will define them. If the relationship didn't start out formed this way, you can re-create your relationship into a conscious one. You'll learn how in this article.
The process of a conscious relationship requires a lot of communication—internally and externally.
Conscious relationships cannot exist without a strong commitment to constant growth and improvement from those involved.
As mentioned above, your first conscious relationship has to be with yourself. It is difficult, if not impossible, to be honest with others, or dedicated to any improvements as a duo, if you cannot be honest to yourself or be willing to improve on your own.
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My Conscious Relationship Story
I spent 17 years of my life in a relationship that was anything but a conscious one. And during those years, I see that both of us made mistakes and lacked the ability to be able to lift our relationship from the place it had settled in.
After years of therapy, consideration and deep thought, we decided that it was best to end the relationship, rather than to continue showing our children a terrible example of marriage. It was not an easy decision to make, but the absolute best decision we did for our family. We now co-parent our children together.
During the years following, I spent time in healing and awareness. Because it is true, that only once you begin with your self-awareness and healing, can you be open and honest about your relationship with yourself first -- and then with someone else.
After a long healing process, I was able to cultivate a healthy, conscious, elevated relationship that serves as a platform for love, growth, and awareness.
I've had many discussions with others on how to successfully elevate your current relationship to a growth, conscious level. And honestly, there's no one better to teach others how to do so, then someone who failed, fell, and stood up stronger - and now is able to teach other couples what to do to not fall into the same path.
In this article, I will be teaching you what is a conscious relationship and how to turn your relationship into one.
Why Do We Need Conscious Relationships?
Our culture has evolved tremendously in the last two centuries alone. Modern relationships no longer depend so heavily on fulfilling biological requirements, like finding food or passing on our genes. We want more from our relationships.
Also, with the advent of smartphones, communication has only become more accessible. We are more connected than ever, and our relationship needs have become more complex as a result.
Nowadays, we focus more on fulfilling social and emotional needs, such as having a purpose, feeling loved, having someone to share life's adventures with (whether it's travel or raising babies), and improving ourselves.
While you already seek these things subconsciously, conscious relationships make those requirements a central focus. And it's done with a purpose and awareness.
The Elements of a Conscious Relationship
As you may have guessed, several elements are involved in a conscious relationship.
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These are the qualities that must be present for a relationship to be a conscious one.
This is the element that starts with you. Responsibility involves being able to admit your faults, as well as to concede when you are wrong. And most importantly, to be willing to take responsibility for your growth.
Many people never make it past this “hurdle,” and they flail with themselves and in other relationships as a result.
Putting aside your ego and owning your mistakes and learned behaviors is the first step to detecting negative behaviors, triggers, or any other short-comings you need to improve.
Taking responsibility also requires admitting what you want out of a relationship and being straightforward.
In a conscious relationship, you are 100% responsible for your 50% of your part of the relationship.
Trust has to be a choice in a conscious relationship, not a passive notion.
When you choose to trust your partner, it allows you to put them and the relationship above your insecurities and their potential flaws.
Trust your gut first. Choose wisely, and when you have, place your trust on your partner, just as you would like for them to do the same towards you.
Others will inevitably hurt you from time to time, on purpose or otherwise. When this happens, you may give in to the primitive “fight or flight” reflex and either lash out in retaliation or become withdrawn.
Acting on this instinct does not allow you to acknowledge your emotions properly or to communicate with the other person in a way that facilitates growth.
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Forgiveness tends to lead to conversations in which you can illustrate how you were hurt, and the other person can apologize and commit to doing better.
Focus on forgiveness, healing, and growth as this will enable you to heal and help you both improve.
While we all have flaws, you should keep in mind that it is always possible to work through these shortcomings or any past issues you may have.
I highly recommend that you consider holistic healing if you’re feeling that your past is holding you back.
Conscious relationships require constant aspiration to do better and to grow.
All relationships will have moments of conflict. People are simply too complex for any relationship to be void of challenges.
Anticipating these moments will allow you and your partner to cooperate and face them as a united force. And welcoming the opportunity to do better only makes your relationship stronger.
These days, it is so easy to lose yourself in a romantic relationship, even in marriage or long-term commitment.
Modern society places a lot of emphasis on finding your “other half” and making this person your everything (a role no one can fulfill for you!)
Thinking about romantic relationships in this way is incredibly toxic, as it sets us up to shed our autonomy as soon as we become committed to someone.
Remember that you are not a half, but a whole person. Allow intimacy and autonomy to coexist within your relationship. This means that you and your partner to be free to disagree on various values or opinions, have your interests, and spend time apart.
A relationship does not have to lose its spark. People become distant in their relationships over time because they stop attempting to be close or show appreciation for one another.
While in many ways, we are more connected due to technology, it can also make it challenging to engage with the people right in front of us.
Do not neglect problems in the relationship, but do not focus on them so much that you forget why you care about the other person and want to be with them in the first place.
Remember to be grateful for all of the good parts of the relationship.
How Do You Cultivate Conscious Relationships?
Cultivating a conscious relationship requires a lot of self-awareness and dedication from all people involved. Begin by having a conversation with your partner about forming a conscious relationship.
In order to do so, here are the steps that you should follow.
Define the Relationship Purpose
Knowing why you are in a relationship will enable you to establish direction and keep the relationship alive.
These purposes should serve as a motivator whenever the relationship is in a stage of conflict.
To determine the purpose of the relationship, take the time to come up with a list of mutual reasons why you both wish to have a relationship. (Do this even if you’re already in a long-term relationship or married).
The easiest thing to do is to discuss what you both want. These reasons can be simple, as well, such as “we want to make each other happy.”
Create Agreements That Follow the Purpose
Coming up with agreements that follow your relationship purposes is essentially a process of establishing ground rules.
These rules should not make you feel restricted or miserable. Instead, since you both base them on each other's criteria for a solid relationship, they should bolster you and make you feel like that kind of relationship is indeed possible.
You and your partner can have as many or as few agreements as you deem fit, so long as your agreements echo all of the elements of a conscious relationship outlined above.
Carry Out Acts That Form a Conscious Relationship
Although the foundation for a conscious relationship, establishing purposes and agreements, is highly necessary, these components ultimately will not matter if you or the other person are not willing to act on them.
Your daily actions and the habits you form in the relationship will determine how well the relationship functions and how healthy the relationship is.
Make a conscious effort each day to nurture your relationship with your partner.
Relationships will always require a lot of effort to be mutually rewarding, so you should strive for awareness in building your relationship.
Cultivating a conscious relationship involves a lot of communication and self-awareness, and both parties must be willing to grow together and personally improve.
Creating conscious relationships will let you become the best version of yourself.
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